Better The Pain I Know Than The Pain I Don’t Know!

Ok, I have embraced The Victory Principle… Cast out my Demons…Slain my Dragons….Freed Myself from Nightmares & Flashbacks & Night Terrors…No Longer Triggered by Past Events… For the first time in a long time the Past no longer defines Me….how do I maintain this newfound Freedom?


10/8/2021 6 min read

Better The Pain I Know Than The Pain I Don’t Know!


Just now·6 min read

Ok, I have embraced The Victory Principle… Cast out my Demons…Slain my Dragons….Freed Myself from Nightmares & Flashbacks & Night Terrors…No Longer Triggered by Past Events… For the first time in a long time the Past no longer defines Me….how do I maintain this newfound Freedom?

The only person on this earth who can heal any of us of our past trauma memory and broken coping skills is us, but we need to learn how. But there is more, there is a needed commitment to one’s ongoing recovery. For too long we have endure life as broken victims and suddenly we find ourselves freed from our demons. Then the sheer ‘terror of the unknown’ sets in and the subconscious message we all experience, is return to what is safe and comfortable.

All through history, this is a reaction handed down through the ages; remember the story of The Exodus of the Jewish people from Egypt, and when the going got tough, many argued for going back into captivity.


The Pain We Know is Better Than The Pain We Don't Know.

And society doesn’t help, unfortunately it celebrates being broken and damaged.

Free therapy, medication, hospitalization, institutions, social welfare, allowances; these are all quite easily available in most western societies.

The message is to invoke in the client that they are incapable of coping with life and as such as dependent wards of the state.

Now, my argument isn’t that there shouldn’t be support for people who suffer from a past trauma event, far from it, I believe there should be ongoing support up to and continuing on into their lives. It should be seen as an incentive for folks to challenge themselves to embrace recovery of self wholeheartedly.

Going from a dependency on others, it’s up to each individual person to fully embrace this rebirth.

Accepting that this is a spiritual illness they suffered and not mental illness, the next step is to transition to accessing a spiritual solution that works for that person.

There are countless religions, churches, spiritual centers to investigate. It took me 60 years to transit from a Roman Catholic to a Christ Follower. I believe the best way to finding your spiritual solution is for you to make that journey and not to be brow-beaten unto the right path by me or anyone else.

The work doesn't stop there; we need to find others who have walked our path, who have slain their dragons ,cast out their demons; become a part of something bigger than we are by ourselves.

The 12 step program of ACA[ACOA] is literally a support group for people who have ever suffered in the past; coming from all walks of life; they help each other and themselves learn how to live as new creations, holding strong healthy boundaries.

There are other 12 step programs such as Al-anon which teaches how to deal with co-dependency.

Personally, knowing I needed guidance out of all my old behaviors and so founds mentors to help here also.

Putting my pride and prejudice aside, I asked a local pastor here to be my spiritual mentor, to witness to me; teaching me about The Holy Trinity and that there is a God and it wasn’t me.

Learning there is a voice in my head and it isn’t me, that undermines my confidence, triggers my moods, fills me with doubt and causes me to say and do things I instantly regret. This was one of the greatest blessings I received I my recovery; that my true voice was from my heart& soul, whereas the voice in my head was my ego; that being a spiritual immortal being I will live forever, whereas this physical body only has this lifetime on earth and the ego to make every second count will tell me to sat and do anything to experience life as often as possible. Please take the time to read or view: The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.


In every situation you find yourself; the depths of despair to rage or frustration, simply smile. It sounds crazy, but then again, we know what it is like to feel crazy, so this is right up our street. Just try it. Think of something that makes you angry, mad, sad, doomy, gloomy, and smile; the smiling isn't for being in this mood and liking it, but smiling for the sheer joy of smiling. I can try to explain this to you but until you try it you will never fully comprehend the wonderful power of your smile. Don’t argue with the idea, just smile, widen your grin allow yourself to look and feel silly, stupid even, remember not to listen to that voice in your head. When in public ,offer a greeting or emotion its a lovely day or you like the cool breeze on your face.

Philippians chapter 4 verse 8 …….. The Law of Attraction

Whatever we think of we manifest; suffering the role of poor me; no-one understands me; I am a victim; I'm a martyr; all these thoughts, feelings and words, lead to an abundance of more of the same.

The new goal of recovery is to embrace this passage from The Bible:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.


learn a simple breathing practice to use throughout your day, on your exhale smile as you release the breath. for your in-breath take a comfortable relaxed inhale through your nose. on the exhale ,place your tongue against the roof of your mouth, release a long slow humming sound as your release the breath from your nose and so so with a smile on your face.

Use this is all walks of your life. For me, I have found the breath has greatly improved my composure playing golf as it has to my temperament in traffic; walking and cycling; practicing listening with others; exercising; when I retire at night, improving my ability to fall asleep more naturally.


Practice being grateful even if was for one night free of demons and dragons. It might be that you experienced an event, person or thing and you weren’t triggered as you normally are. it might be as simple as the sun or a breeze on your face or the sound of children laughing. write a gratitude list, starting with your senses, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual abilities, then go on to the fact that you have clothes on your back, a roof over your head and food on the table. Gratitude that there is free Wi-Fi almost everywhere, gratitude for family, friends and support in your life.

A 24 Hour Plan

Live Your Life One Day at a Time, in The Present, Today.

Break your day into three segments of 8 hours

8 hours sleep & rest

8 hours work

8 hours play

If your boss wants you to work an hour overtime, you want two hours free-time. You set healthy boundaries, you no longer people please or fill everyone else’s needs, you put yourself first, in a non-confrontational manner.

Learn to accept that you only have this one life and to live it fully it requires that you take better care of yourself, this means enough sleep and downtime, enough time with family, friends, interests, hobbies and of course God and just ass importantly you are doing an honest days work to the best of your ability. Maybe you are not working, well you spend that time studying ,training, volunteering, helping, giving..

During your 8 hours of sleep, assign 15 minutes before you sleep to prayer and meditation to help clear your mind to achieve 7 & 1/2 hours of peaceful sleep and 15 mins when you wake up to prepare you to enter into your day recovery focused.

your 8 hours of play is best fulfilled when you can fill it with up to 8 different activities

one or more sports



family of origin

immediate family/partner

individual time for children in your life



your personal recovery program

your spiritual well-being

personal quiet time

education/night classes



As you can see there are many different activities you can fill up your time with, and there are many more I'm sure. The more fulfilled we feel, the more confident and assured we become.

A Warrior Victim

Finally, understand what you suffered in your past, was enough to floor an elephant; but it didn’t floor you!

You survived it! This can’t be underestimated! You are a Mighty Warrior that survived a trauma event that would have overpowered a lesser man or woman. But Not You! You survived it! You survived it so that all future versions of you, would have a live beyond your wildest dreams.


create your own Mindful Affirmation Reflection Mantra practice

Breathing in ‘‘ I am a WARRIOR ’’

Breathing out ‘‘ I am a SURVIVOR ’’

Breathing in ‘‘ I am a WARRIOR SURVIVOR ’’

Breathing out - smile your biggest smile

Repeat this for up to 5 minutes at a sitting. when other thoughts come up ,smile at them ,let them go and return to your Mantra