What is one to do when they have processed, healed and released their past trauma memory and PTS.
I have spoken about how the past is our history, it is not meant to define us or be a part of our present lives. That is all well and good, but what next? How do we go from living as a broken victim to a normal life on life’s terms. So many of us have lived as broken victims for too long and it has become not only our identity but also a safe place to exist. As mentioned in another blog, the pain we know will always be safer that the pain we don't know. Never mind that the pain we are living with up until now was enough to floor an elephant or overcome a different human being to us, we have learned to exist, and endure life with this level of pain and anguish. The idea that we gain release from this, can be short-lived, when suddenly, we feel naked without this longtime companion.
But we shouldn't lose hope, for way too long we were under the spell of having to suffer the demons and baggage of a past aspect of us, now, we are free to live our lives one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time. we have learned by now, we cannot do this alone, we have been damaged through carrying this burden and we need to relearn healthier life skills, relationship skills and how to have, hold and respect boundaries both for ourselves and others. This means finding the right kind of help that can be available to you 24/7.
This is twofold : In my 5 step program I suggest you find your understanding of God and allow him into your life. Be open to learning about the miracles of Christ Yeshua and were you to walk his path ,you too will learn how to cast out demons and gain peace of mind on a daily basis. the second part of the solution is not to keep secrets. Hopefully, have more than one person you can confide in as you go through your day; if you are working with a therapist this would be a good place to start; learning about God might have led you to a local pastor or minister, share with that person; find the courage to share and trust your significant other. Finally find a support group ,there are many such groups that you can research, for me the best would be the fellowship of ACA[ACOA]. They are a worldwide 12 step fellowship where we learn how to live as new creations.
Here we learn from others who have walked and are walking our path that it is right and proper to have strong healthy boundaries; that it is right and proper to say 'no' as easily as it is to say 'yes'. We learn it is right and proper to put ourselves first and not to continually feel we have to people please others.
irst we have to let go of all victim beliefs and behaviors and learn to have boundaries that are created for our benefit first, in time they can become respectful of others but primarily we allow ourselves to look after ourselves, to be right, not to have to please or apologies to others for the right to have a life.
For instance, you have been invited to a family gathering and the belief is facing such fears as the company of certain people will make you stronger; but at the last moment your instincts tell you to give your excuses and not go. you do this, you don't try to explain ,simply say or text:
‘ something has come up and I wont make it’
and that's it. when we start apologizing and making excuses we belittle ourselves and the others are not interested in your story, they just need to know numbers for food and drink. So don’t go! Say you can’t go ! And that’s that.
Even if it was your nerves or old social anxiety behavior, today you are allowing you to look after you as best you can. Later on, you can find other situations where you wont be as triggered to work on your social anxiety.
Learn to talk about your past trauma memory as an event that happened to someone else. Our minds believe whatever we repeat ,over and over again as truth. The more it hears you talk about the past event as belonging to a younger version of you, [and it is not yours because you are here living now in this moment] so it cant have happened to you, the faster your brain will accept this as your true reality. This means that in future, in situations where you would have been triggered, you no longer are.
Next you face your fears as Scott Peck suggest.
What’s the worst that can happen: you apply for a job and don’t get it, you are no worse off than you were before ,but you will have experienced the interview process, making you wiser
You ask someone out on a date, and you are rejected; at least you knew where you stand, no longer wondering and from that you will review how you ask the next person out, you have become wiser through your failing.
On the other hand, you might have gotten the job or the date, but you will never know either way unless you take the chance.
We only have one life, this one time on this earth, we may only have there 24 hours, I suffered a mini- stroke 6 weeks ago and today I realize I only have these 24 hours, so I choose to pack into my day life, living, love, laughter, work and play because it is possible I might not get another day.
It would be crazy for me to brood about what happened to me in the past and worry about the future, if these 24 hours are all I have left.
Each of us have to come to this realization sooner than later and make the decision to process, heal and release our Past Trauma Memory to its rightful owner and give over the outcome of the future to The Creator.
Then we are much better prepared and committed to being a part of life today, for our loved ones, family ,friends, life’s challenges, successes and failures, we turn up today and we are alive, not enduring, not suffering victimhood, but ready to embrace all that life has to throw at us, being a part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
This is a choice each of us has to make.
We are not meant to go through life labelled as victims or broken or suffering from disorders; all those who have suffered a Past Trauma Event and lived to tell the tale are actually Warrior Survivors!
We may be Wounded WARRIOR SURVIVORS, but the good news is, Wounds can heal!! This is the important point to remember. we are not victims, broken, suffering from disorders, no! we are warrior survivors, taking the time and the necessary steps to heal our wounds.